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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26568109">Kagome's Unwitting Depression</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/C_Storm/pseuds/C_Storm'>C_Storm</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:33:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,860</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26568109</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/C_Storm/pseuds/C_Storm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kagome sees something that she isn't meant to see, and it kind of breaks her. Can she and Inuyasha repair the damage before she gives up hope?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Higurashi Kagome/InuYasha, InuYasha/Kikyou (InuYasha)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>95</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Inuyasha Sins Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Sloth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A/N  I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters. This is canon divergent, so I can do what I want. Enjoy.</p><p>Trigger warnings of depression</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sloth</p><p>She was almost asleep; it was late, and she loved sleeping under the stars. Her eyes were closed and she could hear the soft chirp of crickets coming from the trees, then a sound she recognized and loathed. The gentle swirling and almost cooing of the shinidamachu echoed in the silence, followed by Inu’s immediate drop to the ground. She felt his eyes on her, and she pretended to be asleep. Would he leave her here unprotected and go to the dead priestess? She got her answer as his feet took off, following the worm-like youkai. She silently stood up and followed him, knowing the last time Kikyou had him in her grasp she almost took him to hell with her.</p><p>She arrived at the clearing where Kikyou and Inu were in each other’s arms. She felt tears burning behind her eyes, but remained silent. He wasn’t hers to love. He wasn’t hers to be with. She watched the priestess lean in and their lips connected tenderly. She could no longer hold back the tears. She had known that Inuyasha didn't really love her. She was a replacement for the beauty in his arms. But seeing the truth of it didn't make it hurt any less. She held back a sob and once they parted she knew she had to go. Inu would notice her scent soon. She decided then that she needed to go home for a while. The next morning she insisted that she just remembered she had an important test, even though by Inuyasha’s expression he knew it was a lie. She walked back toward the village, refusing to ride on his back, and trying to give herself the space she needed to process and heal. It took a lot longer than she had realized it would now that she was doing the walking.</p><p>Almost a week later she went home. Being in his presence was impossible, but she couldn’t stand being away from him either. She spent a few days at home and didn't go to school for any of them. She couldn’t get out of bed, and couldn't stop crying. Her mama kept bringing her soup and tea. And she could see the questions in her Mama’s eyes, but she never asked. She didn’t question the fact that her daughter’s closest friend hadn’t joined her in coming home, or that she could hear her crying into all hours of the night. And for that, Kagome was eternally grateful.</p><p>A week passed, and apparently Inuyasha knew better than to come collect her. She woke up with a new realization. She needed to complete the jewel and then she could come home and never go back. She knew that would be the hardest thing to do, leave the life she was making 500 years in the past, but it would be the only way she could survive. She got out of bed, dressed, and repacked her backpack. She needed to get back there and complete this journey. It would be the most heart-breaking thing to do, walking away from a place that filled her with such happiness and hope. But now she didn't feel the hope, or the happiness. She felt dull and hollow. But she figured that would fade with time.</p><p>She slipped through the blue light of the time slip and climbed out of the well. Inuyasha wasn’t there waiting for her, and she couldn't hold back the fear that he had gone to Kikyou. She trudged to the village and she should have felt relief at seeing him sitting on Kaede’s hut roof, but she couldn’t seem to feel anything. She plastered a smile on her face and hoped everyone would buy it. Kaede came out and smiled warmly. Kagome felt her lips lift in a similar smile, but it took such effort. Hopefully, this would get easier soon.</p><p>“Hello child. I am glad ye are feeling better, Inuyasha said, that ye had been feeling sick. Did the medicines in your time finally get you healed?”</p><p>Oh, that was a good excuse for her not to be there. She nodded to the sweet older lady who was so like a grandmother to her.</p><p>“Yes, Kaede-sama. I got some good rest too.”</p><p>She ignored Inuyasha’s twitching nose, indicating he smelled her lie easily.</p><p>“Ah, I am so glad, Child. I worried that it had been worse than Inuyasha had said when you were gone for so long. But I imagine you also had some things to take care of in your time as well.”</p><p>Oh, another lie. “Yeah, I had a couple important tests to take. Thank you for worrying about me, though. So are there any jewel shard rumors?”</p><p>They figured out which way they would go, and how long they would be gone before hitting the road. Kagome still refused to ride on his back, and she could tell he was getting angry at how slowly they were moving. But she couldn't bring herself to care. Her face was flat, and she knew it showed no emotion. Which felt right, since it was better not to feel anything. They stopped for lunch and she heated up some ramen. The silence wasn’t comfortable, but she didn't have anything to say. And he seemed to understand that it was probably the best decision to remain quiet unless asking about stopping, or the journey.</p><p>Days passed that way. When the sun rose and Inuyasha tried to wake her, it took a great deal of effort to sit up. She had no energy, no emotion, she felt like she had no life inside her. What was the point to all of this? Oh, the jewel. She would complete the jewel and defeat Naraku, thus freeing herself from this world and allowing herself to go back to her old life, far away from the man who broke her heart. Maybe then she would be able to feel again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Wrath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Inuyasha is so fucking angry. He has no idea why the fuck Kagome is acting like she is, but he has had e-fucking-nough!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wrath</p><p> </p><p>Kagome and he were walking down a dirt road. It had been a long week since she came back to him. And he was holding back the urge to shake her. They stopped for a brief lunch and she just seemed to be following him blindly. Stopping when he did and getting up when he did. Every time she met his eyes he saw this dullness to them as if they had lost the sparkle of joy. His mind flashed back to the day this seemed to start. He remembered the night before Kikyou had shown up, and he had checked that she was asleep. At least he had thought she was. Hell, she was still asleep when he had returned. But what if he had been wrong? </p><p> </p><p>Then he became lost in thought as he started thinking about all the fiery arguments and things that brought that life and light to her eyes. He loved how they danced with mischief when she argued with him. Maybe that was the way to bring that sparkle back. But it came with its own hazards, of course. He would need to formulate a plan. They finished their lunch and got back on the road. He tried to talk to her, but she hummed minor responses to his questions. If they couldn’t be answered with an ‘Uh huh’ or a ‘nuh uh’, she gave him an ‘I dunno’. She would not speak to him. He tried to remember the last thing she actually said to him, and he remembered her asking to go home, and lying about why. He remembered her asking about the direction of the jewel shard rumors. And that was fucking it!</p><p> </p><p>It had been weeks, and it was driving him insane! She barely spoke to him, unless to say something about needing a break or asking which way they needed to go. He finally started teasing her. They used to have such a banter, and he never realized how much he would miss it.</p><p> </p><p>“Keh, how are you such a slowpoke? Have you never walked anywhere before?”</p><p> </p><p>She hummed a sound that sounded like an ‘I dunno’ but that was the only response he got. Shit… He needed her to talk to him. </p><p> </p><p>“You want me to hunt us some fresh rabbit tonight for dinner?”</p><p> </p><p>She gave him a low and silent “sure” but it was more than he had gotten all day. He couldn't take it anymore and stepped in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“Kagome, what the hell did I do? Why are you pissed off at me?!”</p><p> </p><p>Her blue eyes hit him, and they looked vacant. There was hurt there, and he had expected it to be hidden by anger, but no. She seemed so hollow. This girl, that seemed to mean more than he could have ever imagined to him, seemed so desolate. Her eyes, that usually shone with a smile, were dull and almost lifeless. It was gonna break him.</p><p> </p><p>Her voice came out crystal clear, and he was shocked to not be able to detect a lie.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not angry at you, Inuyasha. You didn’t do anything wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>How was she not lying? And if she wasn’t lying, then why did he feel like he was being punished for something?</p><p> </p><p>“Bullshit! Then what the fuck is wrong with you? Did somebody steal your dolly or something? Why are you acting like a fucking child?”</p><p> </p><p>She gasped at his thoughtless comment and he waited with bated breath to see if she would sit him into oblivion. Or if she would start shouting at him. But no. He was disappointed to see her take a deep breath and shake her head. He would have to push harder.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry you think that, Inuyasha. I think you’re the one shouting. We need to get to the jewel shard.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, she tried to walk around him, and he stepped back in front of her. He was not gonna let her walk away from this. He couldn’t stand seeing her so emotionless. She was supposed to be fiery and feisty. She had spunk, and he needed it back. She had been the first human to ever not be afraid of his temper. She had been the first being whoever hadn’t thought less of him because of his mixed blood. He couldn't explain how she had wheedled her way into his heart, and he needed her to come back to him. She had vanished for a week, and he had no idea why she was so pissed off. He figured she had seen him run off to talk to Kikyo, but still, she said she wasn’t angry with him, and she wasn’t lying. So what in the hells was going on here? And how could he get the fire back into his girl?</p><p> </p><p>He stood for a moment until that thought fully registered. His girl. He couldn't stand the idea of her not being his and not talking to him. Now how could he get his girl back? Restore the fire and life to her from before. Rejuvenate her and bring her back to him. Their fights flashed in his mind, and the fire inside her when she yelled at him. The words left his mouth before he had a chance to stop himself.</p><p> </p><p>“You ain’t gonna be any use to me like this! How the fuck are ya even gonna find the jewel if ya can’t even be honest with yourself? Fucking useless girl.”</p><p> </p><p>Her jaw slipped open, and he knew he had overstepped. He had been trying to light a fire under her and get her to show a bit of who she really was. But he had made a terrible miscalculation. He had hoped that by getting her mad, she would come back from the ashes like a phoenix. But it seemed she fell deeper inside herself. As if the pile of ashes were swallowing her whole. Then instead of trying to get around him, she turned and strode away, moving quickly for the first time in days. She reached the forest and ducked in between the trees, vanishing from sight. It took him a minute to figure out what the fuck just happened, then he sprinted after her. Why the fuck did she run?! He caught up to her in seconds, and his temper flared.</p><p> </p><p>“Why the fuck are you acting like this? What the hell happened that made you fucking hate me?”</p><p> </p><p>She stopped but wouldn't turn to face him. But for the first time in days, her voice was at a normal volume. He never liked when she actually yelled, but he was relishing in her voice, even at such a loud level. He was feeling almost hopeful that maybe it had worked. She was yelling, at least.</p><p> </p><p>“HATE YOU?! HATE YOU!! You really think I could ever hate you???!! It would kill me to hate you! You will never understand how wrong you are about that!”</p><p> </p><p>Then she turned to him, and the tears streaming down her face told him more than her words did. He was a fucking bastard. He stepped up to her and pulled her into him. Her face was against his chest, and the scent of her tears was killing him. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, ‘Gome. I’m sorry. But I need you to talk to me. I don’t understand what’s going on. You never kept things from me before, hell if I needed to be told off, you were the first person to jump up and tell me to ‘Sit’. And we both know there are times I deserved it. But come on. I don’t know what’s going on. But I want to be here for you.”</p><p> </p><p>She needed him. He had no idea what the hell was wrong, but she needed him. He had been such a fool. He was so bent out of shape about what he needed, and ignored the fact that if she was acting like this, she needed something too. It took a minute, but eventually her arms wrapped themselves around his torso, and he felt a breath leave his lungs. Something was wrong with his girl, and he would do everything he could to fix it.</p><p> </p><p>After only a few seconds, her arms dropped, and she pulled away. He felt a growl bubble in his throat. Why wouldn’t she let him help her? And as a thought hit him, his heart broke.</p><p> </p><p>“No, Kagome. You have to fucking talk to me. So, you’re not mad at me. But something happened. Did you change your fucking mind about being near a fucking half breed?”</p><p> </p><p>Her head snapped up to his, and for the first time in weeks he saw the fire in his girl’s eyes. She shook her head gently before the fire seemed to vanish just as quickly as it had appeared.</p><p> </p><p>“How could you ever think so low of me? Don’t you know me better than that? I would never think less of you for something like that. If anything, it makes me care about you more. It makes you so much more than everyone else I have ever known. I can’t believe you would think so little of me.”</p><p> </p><p>The tears were back and streaming down her face again. He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and tried to wrap his arms back around her. She tried to fight him, but he pulled her close through her minute struggles.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. I was a bastard. Please. Just don't leave me again. I can’t take it, ‘Gome. I need you to come back to me. And this isn't you. How do I help?”</p><p> </p><p>At those words she choked back another sob, and he held her to him as she cried. She was trying to speak, but her words were unintelligible between the sobs and sniffles.His hand rubbed her back in small circles, and he refused to let her go. He trapped her arms against him, not giving her a chance to fight. But he would not let her go again. It was pissing him off not understanding what had happened, but he would figure that out later. Right now, he needed to get her taken care of. She was his priority, and he would figure out how to fix everything.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Envy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kagome remembered feeling things. She remembered feeling happy, and smiling. But feeling anything would be better than nothing, right?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A/N I do not own Inuyasha. I just wanted to cope with my severe clinical depression with a few characters I adore.<br/>Trigger warning: angst &amp; depression</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Envy</p><p>It was late; the sun had set hours ago. She tried to sleep. She really did, but her thoughts were running rampant. She couldn’t stop from thinking about who she was a few months ago. Was it really only a few months ago? She remembered smiling and laughing. But it seemed like it was a completely different lifetime. She could feel the tears rolling down the sides of her face as she stared up at the stars overhead. She glanced up at the hanyou sleeping in the tree above her head. The Tessaiga was up against his shoulder and his head had dropped until his chin was against his chest.</p><p>She had only known him for a few months, too. But she couldn’t deny how much she cared for him. Was it love? Is that why this hurt so badly? She thought about Kikyou in his arms, and the gentle kiss they shared that night. She knew he was never hers, but she still felt like she had lost him. It hurt so badly. It seemed the only time she didn’t feel empty was when she was struggling with thinking these thoughts. It was probably unhealthy, but she made herself think about this often. She missed feeling, even if it was pain. Wasn’t it better to hurt than to feel so vacant and hollow? </p><p>She knew that, right now, he was acting like he cared for her, but she knew she was just a means to an end. Kikyou wasn’t alive, but she was also still very fragile. Her body couldn’t withstand the fight against Naraku. That was why he needed Kagome. She would help complete the jewel, defeat Naraku, and then he and Kikyou would descend into hell together. She would go back to her normal life and learn how to live without him.</p><p>She had never loved anyone before, though. Her thoughts went to Hojo, and she felt even worse. Was this how he felt when she continually turned him down? He cared for her, for whatever reason. Maybe this was karma, for not taking his feelings more into consideration. Since she had hurt him so many times, she was being denied something she wanted so badly.</p><p>How did Hojo manage to stay so upbeat? How did he manage to not let her repeated rejections sour his mood, and how could she learn to be like that? How did he never let it show that she was hurting him? Why couldn’t she do that? Why couldn't she separate herself from the situation with such ease? Why couldn't she learn to bounce back so easily?</p><p>It wasn’t like Inuyasha cared about her, right? Well, he cared about her in the way a friend would. But it wasn't what she wanted and needed from him. How did she end up falling for him so deeply? And now that she was so broken, he was walking on eggshells around her. It was ridiculous! She should be able to snap out of this! She was a Higurashi! They were descended from great priests and priestesses. She was more than strong enough to overcome a little heartbreak.</p><p>She would be stronger. He was already treating her like anything he said or did might break her. She wouldn’t let this destroy her. Wouldn’t let herself be so broken. Wouldn't allow herself to cry over such little things anymore. Sure, she had sobbed a little this morning when she broke the yolk on the egg. Sure, she had let a few tears out yesterday when she caught her sock on a thorn and tore it a bit. But she needed to be stronger. She needed to be herself. This wasn't her, not the real her. She missed being that girl. Caring, jubilant, lively. She loved so deeply and cared with her whole heart. She needed to find that inside herself again.</p><p>She thought back to that night yet again. She wished she could have stopped herself from following him. Sure, she only wanted to protect him, but it ruined her. It was too high a cost. She had taken her own happiness for granted. She thought back, and her mind was almost in a fog. She remembered blowing out birthday candles and hugging her mama. She remembered so much, but it still felt like it was a dream. Then she remembered Kikyou trying to drag Inuyasha with her to hell. And she knew there was no way she would have been able to talk herself out of it, anyway. She couldn’t let her Inu get hurt. He had always put his health and life at risk to protect her. She could never live with herself if she refused to do the same thing. She missed who she was before that night, though. So naïve and hopeful. Now she was empty. Hollow and alone. Her heart hurt to think about the fact that she felt so entirely alone. How could she fix this, when she didn’t even have the strength to do anything else?</p><p>Inuyasha was trying to help her. He really was. At first he had been going about it all wrong, by being rude and vulgar. Swearing at her every time she did something. But now, he seemed almost insecure. He had held her so tight when he begged her not to leave him. But she couldn’t stay. He was in love with someone else, and she was just a temporary replacement until they finished the quest.</p><p>No, she would finish the quest, after all it was her fault in the first place. But then she would go home. She didn't belong here anymore than she belonged with him. He didn't love her. Didn't need her. She needed to be needed. She needed to be loved. She needed to be able to feel something other than pain. But this pain was something she earned. Karma was punishing her. She would have to finish this quest and apologize to Hojo. Somehow she would make amends. She had no idea how, but somehow she would. Maybe if she could earn his forgiveness, she would be able to feel again. Maybe this was almost like a curse. No, this was her own heart hurting her. She couldn't put that on anyone else but herself. She was a foolish child who fell in love with someone unattainable. She was an idiot. She thought- no hoped that maybe if she treated him like he deserved, he might be able to see her a little differently. But what a foolish idea that had ended up being.</p><p>He was in love with a woman whose beauty far outshined her own. He was in love with a powerful priestess who didn’t fall down constantly, or trip over roots in the dark. He was in love with a woman with a willowy figure and long straight hair; who could hold her own and not need him to save her every five seconds. She couldn’t hold a candle to the other Miko, and she knew unlike Kikyou she wasn't worthy of his love. Kikyou could take care of him, like she never could. And Kagome knew that he deserved to be happy. He had been so unhappy most of his life, how could she deny him that? She held in the sobs that threatened to escape and tried to silently climb out of her sleeping bag. She needed to go compose herself before she awoke the object of her affection. Just because she couldn't sleep didn't mean he didn't deserve to. As she ran into the woods, she missed the telltale twitch of ears on her hanyou protector.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Greed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kagome has sneaked off in the dead of night to do Kami knows what, and Inuyasha has had enough of this bullshit!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A/N I do not own own Inuyasha, I am just having fun putting the characters through hell. Sins Week is halfway over! Can they figure out how to fix this by Saturday?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Greed</p><p>He heard her scuttle out of her sleeping bag and put on her shoes before dashing into the woods. At first he hoped she was just going to relieve herself, but he had been listening to her sobs for the last hour at least. His ears drooped as he heard her go further and further away. The dumb wench hadn't even taken her bow. He leapt from tree branch to tree branch, following her with ease. But he had to hand it to her. She was smarter than usual. He found her sitting against a tree and sobbing silently to herself. She had even been smart enough to stay downwind of him so he wouldn't smell her tears. She had clearly put so much thought into crying and not getting caught doing it; it bothered him. How many times had she done this without him noticing?</p><p>He missed her scent, and he was starting to crave it. Somehow, whatever this was, it even altered her scent. She used to smell like vanilla and wildflowers. So light and fresh with a hint of sweetness. Now the scent of her sadness permeated her entire being. It was making him feel like he was going crazy. He didn't know how to help, but she clearly needed help.</p><p>He missed her laugh, her smile, the way she used to look him in the eye when she spoke to him, the way she was never afraid to tell him to knock it off or stop doing something, the way she never shied away when he was being an ass. He missed her. This doppelganger had taken his Kagome and stepped into her place. He missed his Kagome. Even the way her hand would gently brush his when they walked side by side. The way she wrapped her arms around his neck when she was on his back. He could list the things he missed about her forever and still not get them all.</p><p>He wanted them back. He wanted her back. He had tried to be harsh, hoping to relight the fire inside her. But that had backfired terribly. He had no idea what else to do. He hadn't dealt with human emotions in decades. Not until he met her, anyway. Even with Kikyou, emotions were hidden. Kikyou was the exact opposite of his Kagome. Kikyou was cold and ice, while Kagome was sunshine and flowers. But this Kagome made him think that a fire had destroyed his garden that was Kagome. He wanted her back. He needed his Kagome back.</p><p>He could feel his anger rising. His emotions had been more worked up since this whole thing started than they had been since he was shot and pinned to a fucking tree. Kagome’s cries had finally calmed, and she sat there collecting herself. Once she took a deep steadying breath, he dropped from the tree. Her surprised gasp told him she had been so engrossed in staying quiet she hadn't even kept an eye out for youki.</p><p>“Come on, wench. Let’s get back to the campsite.” He didn’t wait for her to respond before scooping her up and carrying her back. She seemed like she was gonna fight him on it, but she settled down quickly enough. They needed to talk this through. He arrived at the campsite and sat down with her in his lap.</p><p>"Can you tell me what made ya cry, wench?"</p><p>She looked at him, and for the first time in ages he could see a small spark of life in her. It was cloudy with tears and sadness, but it was still life.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Inuyasha. I didn't mean to wake you up.”</p><p>He shook his head, “Wench, I want ya to answer the damn question. I’ve been trying to figure this out for fuckin’ weeks. Now, why have ya been crying?”</p><p>She seemed to debate for a couple minutes, and he had to hope that she would tell the truth. Her voice was soft, and the pain in it killed him.</p><p>“I guess, I just realized, I deserve this. I hurt one of my friends at home over and over. He doesn't deserve to be hurt. But I keep doing it, anyway. Karma seems to be finally catching up to me.”</p><p>Her scent belied that she had told him the truth, and he couldn't express how happy that made him. But he stared at her incredulously as her words hit home, “Wench, are you fucking kidding me? You spend every single day trying to help everyone you fucking meet. So you hurt some young kid, it’s not like ya ever do it on purpose. And the good you do, far outweighs the bad. How in the hell can ya think karma would make you suffer?”</p><p>She looked up as if he had just told her the biggest secret in the world. “I… what?” He almost laughed at the cute confusion written all over her face. She looked so much more like his Kagome, he could kiss her. And as she sat on his lap, he felt himself feeling better. He missed having her close to him. She had distanced herself from him, and he had no idea why.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are ya acting like you’re afraid ta touch me?” Okay, he hadn't meant to ask that out loud. But the words were out there. He couldn't pull them back.</p><p>Her voice was even softer than before, “Because I like it too much. And when you leave, it’ll hurt to not have it anymore.”</p><p>He felt his eyes go wide. “Where the hell am I going?”</p><p>Her tears were back, but this time she looked up into his eyes, “To hell with Kikyou.”</p><p>He sucked in a breath. He pulled her to him and crushed her body against his own. She sobbed against his shoulder, and he felt himself growl. If he did go with Kikyou, who would protect his Kagome? He couldn't leave her to fend for herself. Plus, if he went to hell with Kikyou, he would never smell her wildflowers and vanilla again. Could he go through eternity without that? He already knew the answer, especially if the last month was any indication. He needed her like he needed air. He craved her like he craved food. He couldn't go through the rest of his life without her. </p><p>“No, Kagome. I don't think I can do that anymore. I have someone important to protect. It’s you.”</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Pride</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A/N I do not own Inuyasha but I decided I could use the characters I adore to feel things. Painful things. Like heartbreak. And Hopelessness. Sins week is coming close to the end. I hope you guys don't hate me after this is all over.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pride</p><p> </p><p>She wanted to believe him. It had been a few days since Inuyasha had told her he couldn’t follow Kikyou to hell. But her heart still hurt. She could tell he thought he was telling her the truth, but when push came to shove, he had abandoned her countless times to run off to Kikyou. Even after lying to her and telling her he wasn’t going to do that anymore. She just wasn’t sure if she could give him the chance to keep breaking her. She had to protect herself. She couldn’t always rely on Inuyasha to come in and save her. Especially not from himself.</p><p>“Kagome, I think you need a healer.”</p><p>He had been talking about this for the last 2 days. All because she wasn’t smiling enough or something. She took a deep breath and worked on putting on a mask. She had to finish this quest. She had to fix what she had broken. Then she could go and get the help she needed. Of course she couldn't tell the therapist, she would undoubtedly need, that she had traveled into the past to save the world, and fallen in love with a half demon. Nor could she tell them all the things she had done while here. But she could at least tell them that she had fallen in love with someone who didn't want her in the same way. She could tell them that she was broken and see about getting that fixed. It wasn’t easy to know the one person you loved was in love with someone else. Someone more perfect than what should be allowed.</p><p>Kikyou was a graceful beauty, lean and willowy build, long straight hair. She radiated confidence. Kagome could never be that graceful and poised. Nor did she really want to. At least she didn't use to. Now she wasn't sure what she wanted. She used to like being who she was, but now she felt like she didn't even know who that was. But Inuyasha was worried, and when he worried he seemed to be more… more… She couldn't figure out the word. But whatever it was, he was doing it. Part of her enjoyed the idea that he was actually acting like he cared, but the other part of her knew that if she trusted that when he did leave her again, it would hurt even worse.</p><p>He stopped them near a hot spring, and she worked on getting herself to relax. She had even thought far enough ahead for this. She pulled out a small radio and played a cassette tape so Inuyasha wouldn’t hear her. She knew the minerals in the water would mask the scent of her tears. She let her walls come down and sobbed. Letting the tears flow silently, let all the hurt free for a little while. He couldn’t see her, hear her or smell her. She was free to be the ‘her’ that was hurting. She was free to let all the pain out, so long as she did it quietly. When she had cried enough she cleaned herself up, used a facial scrub to hide the tears and give her cheeks a bright red appearance all over so he wouldn't notice. Then she dressed herself and put on her mask. She would perfect this mask until it was flawless. Until no one would notice she was hiding this hurt and pain.</p><p>She walked back to the campsite, and Inuyasha gave her a little sniff. She knew he was trying to see if she had been crying, but she had been prepared for that. He didn’t say anything else and got up to go take his turn in the hot spring. He already had a fire going, and the meat was roasting. She prepared the vegetables and finished dinner while he was gone. And appreciated the numbness of not wearing her mask for a bit. When she heard him coming back she slid it back into place. She held herself with a pride she didn’t feel and smiled when he sat down across from her. She scooped them each a serving of veggies and a bit of the meat. They ate in silence, and he made no more mention of a healer. He did scoff at her tiny portion of food, and even then she barely ate it. He kept grumbling about, “What’s the point of me even hunting if ya ain’t gonna eat?” But he purposely mumbled it loud enough for her to hear, but not loud enough to start a conversation.</p><p>She refused to take the bait. That wouldn't help her feel better. Taking his banter and fights like she used to would only get her too comfortable. It would cause her to fall down. Drop the mask and show how hurt she really was. She couldn’t afford that. So she smiled sweetly and acted like she didn't hear a word he had said. After dinner, she snuggled into her sleeping bag and pretended to sleep. Eventually she dozed off, but her sleep was broken and she awoke more tired than when she had gone to sleep. Still, she put on the mask.</p><p>She packed up her things and walked down the road with Inuyasha with her head held high. He grabbed them food for breakfast, but after a few bites it just turned her stomach. She snuck to the bushes to throw it away under the guise of a bathroom break and returned to the road to continue the journey. She carried herself with fake pride and worked on the mask. Keeping a bright smile on her face. Hopefully Inuyasha would buy it. Or at least drop the issue.</p><p>Inuyasha tried to get her to stop for lunch and she brushed him off, saying she was still full from breakfast. She hadn’t been full, but she wasn't hungry either. It was a weird feeling. Then he offered to carry her so she could rest. Even though she had made it clear that she didn't want to do that anymore. So she just shook her head and kept her smile. She was exhausted but, but she knew if she stopped he would ask what was wrong. She kept moving until sunset. Her body hurt, and she tried to eat, but her stomach turned at the smell of the food. How was she going to get through this? She snuggled into her sleeping bag facing away from him and let the mask slip. She kept her tears away, but let her mask fall. Allowing herself to relax and the pain to take over her mind.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Gluttony</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A/N I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters. I just had an idea and figured I could use my favorite characters and torture them a bit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gluttony</p><p>It had been a couple weeks, and this shit was getting fucking ridiculous! He had managed to catch two rabbits, skinned and cleaned them, and roasted them over a fire. She still wasn’t fucking eating. It seemed like it had been a couple of days since she actually ate a meal, and even then it was barely a few bites. She was always, ‘not hungry’ or her stomach was ‘feeling queasy’ whatever the fuck that meant. He was starting to get worried. She hadn’t let him carry her, but she looked like she was losing weight. And the fact that she had taken to refusing the midday break, which she used to whine about getting, was not helping his concerns. She was wearing down, and he had no idea how to help her. But it was still clear as day to him. She needed help.</p><p>He couldn’t figure out when he started to care like this, but the idea of her letting herself get this sick hit home, and he felt his ears drift down towards his head, and a small whimper bubbled in his throat. She seemed not to hear him, unless she was just pretending like she had taken to doing. They were together all the time now, since she didn’t even want to go home, but he missed her. This wasn’t the Kagome he had come to care for. This imposter might as well have been possessed. He missed her. He missed her touch. She had been one of the only humans to touch him without hatred in years, and her touch was like a drug, he needed it. He missed her laugh. He missed her smile. And not that fake fucking smile she had taken to giving him. The one that screamed that she was lying. That smile just pissed him off more. It just told him that she didn’t want to be honest with him. </p><p>But her touch. Words couldn’t convey how much he missed her touch. The way she would climb atop his back and wrap her legs around him. The way his hands would hold her thighs, and she never feared his claws. The way her arms would wrap around his neck and she’d snuggle into his hair to avoid the wind. The way she would teasingly tweak his ears, and he would pretend he hated it, because you really can't tell someone that it felt that fucking good to be touched. More than all of that though, he missed the way she would lean into him when she was cold or frightened. Trusting him to make everything all right. He missed that more than anything.</p><p> He finally started going out of his way to touch her. He wanted that closeness they had before and he would do whatever he had to do to instigate it. He would offer her his hand when they traveled over bumpy areas, grab her elbow to steady her over nonexistent trips and falls, hell, even stepping closer when they walked down the street. Anything to get that closeness back that he missed so fucking much. </p><p>Then, she stumbled over nothing and he caught her easily, pulling her up against him to ensure she had her balance back. Suddenly, her scent changed and the scent of wildflowers and vanilla came back full force, with a new hint of something almost spicy. His senses were tingling as he tried to figure out what was happening. As he pulled away, he saw a light pink dusting her cheeks and he felt his cheeks heat up in turn.</p><p>They continued the walk, but her scent of vanilla and wildflowers mingling with that spicy tang remained, and his heart was singing to smell her again. They stopped shortly after for dinner, and he managed to catch them a dinner of fish, while she prepared the veggies again. She helped him get them skewered and roasting, and when they were done he couldn’t find the words to express his joy when she ate her entire dinner. She even went back for an, albeit small, but a second scoop of veggies. </p><p>She caught him looking at her a few times, but every time she did that scent of spiciness seemed to become stronger. He was starting to get an idea of what it was, but did he dare hope for something like that? His body was reacting in a most pleasant way, so it was clearly hoping for a whole lot more. But she had been acting so strangely. He couldn’t assume something like that.</p><p>Besides, he didn’t need that to be honest. He had apparently taken so many things of her for granted, he would never need more than what he had before, so long as he could get her back. Get her to smile, and laugh. Have her scent be back to the beautiful fresh scent of vanilla and wildflowers. And feel her touch him without the fear, hatred, and loathing that came from him being a half-breed. He knew he wasn't worthy of being with her, but damn it he would do whatever it took to become worthy of her.</p><p>He had never needed anyone before this. And now he needed her. He needed her more than he needed air to breathe. He needed her. And it both thrilled him to realize it, and scared the fuck out of him. What if he couldn’t fix this? What if he had already fucked this up too much and he lost her? He fucking needed her. Fuck. What in the hells could he do?</p><p>He spent the next week touching her every chance he got. Her natural scent seemed to be coming back. The fake smile seemed to be gone, but her natural smile had a certain pain etched into it. Like being near him hurt her. It was fucking killing him. But he needed her. He was a selfish bastard, but he needed her! He kept touching and stayed closer than was appropriate. He also needed her to know that he cared. She was so fucking important to him.</p><p>He would have to show her in every way he could think of. Go out of his way to try to bring that light back into her eyes. Show her that he needed her here. What other choice did he have? If he didn’t fix this, he was going to lose her.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Lust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A/N I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters. I just decided that torturing them would be fun for a bit. I usually don't go this dark, but apparently my mind was in a dark place. I apologize for making all of you cry like I did. I will tell you it killed me to actually write this. But I made it through, and so will you. Here's the happy ending everyone wanted. Maybe not as happy as you all wanted. I can't remember if it contains smut. Not gonna lie.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lust</p><p> </p><p>Kagome was trying so hard to keep her mind in a healthy place, but he had been touching her. She had tried to shy away from his advances, but she missed his touch. She missed his warm hands holding her thighs as he bounded over the countryside. She found herself thinking about his touch, when she was walking, and she tripped. He caught her before she was even close to actually hitting the ground, which just went to show how much he had been paying attention to her. She was in too deep and she was never going to escape this unscathed.</p><p> </p><p>But the feeling of his hands on her upper arms and his chest pressed up against hers pulled her into a deep fantasy she had been fighting against with all her heart. He pulled away, and she knew she had been caught. Her cheeks heated up as the flush spread across her face, and she was a little bit pleased to see him blush as well. This was going to hurt so much. She cared about him more than she had ever cared about anyone. Not to mention how damn good looking he was. She had been attracted to him from almost the first moment she saw him. The attraction might have faded when he tried to kill her less than 10 minutes after she freed him, but he improved.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, he only improved because she had basically collared him. That and he wanted the jewel. But he had stopped acting like being with her was the worst thing in the world. He had started acting like he enjoyed her company. She knew she enjoyed his company. Hell, she enjoyed him in any way she could get him until his last tryst in the woods. But now, she knew there wasn't a place in his heart for her. That was really the breaking point for her. It was one thing to wonder if a relationship will last. It was something else entirely to know it had no chance in hell of working out. That new knowledge had almost destroyed her.</p><p> </p><p>But the way he had taken to looking at her made her feel. And that was saying something for how she had been so numb lately. It reawakened the primal urges in her, and it was driving her nuts to feel so out of control. She was completely powerless to even her own emotions and feelings. But she wanted to love him. Even through all of the hurt, she wanted to love him. Maybe the heartbreak would be worth it. Even if she wasn't the only woman in his heart, if she could have a small part to call her own, it might be worth it. </p><p> </p><p>Her body and mind seemed to rejoice at that realization. Her heart, even though it braced itself for pain, seemed to be lighter. She had been so busy worrying about how much it would hurt when she lost him; she didn’t seem to realize that she wasn't appreciating the time she had with him. It still hurt, knowing he would never be hers, but maybe for a little while longer she could almost pretend.</p><p> </p><p>It was a cooler evening, and he found them a campsite with a hot spring nearby. She was soaking in the spring with her cassette tape playing. She wanted to feel something. Anything. Well, not anything. She wanted to feel him. Her mind was creating beautiful fantasies of him touching her and changing them into risque dreamscapes where she was the one he truly wanted. She had a candle lit, and was relaxing in the heated water, when she decided it would be okay to indulge herself a little bit. Her hand sneaking down below the surface of the water to tease and touch herself, imagining it to be his deadly claws, that she knew would never hurt her. She lowered her other hand to her breast to pretend it was his lips instead. Her fantasies were pure perfection. She was so lost in her thoughts of him; she didn’t notice she had an audience.</p><p> </p><p>Her voice was soft, and the tape player almost drowned it out. But her soft moans and whispers of his name were not lost in the wind as she would have hoped. No. Said hanyou was in a tree above her, and gaping like a fish when she uttered his name. He watched in adept fascination as her hands touched her own body. Touching herself in ways he had only dared dream about. He felt his body rise to meet the request, but stayed put. He had no idea how she would react to him dropping out of the sky in the middle of her bath. Even if she was calling for him.</p><p> </p><p>Her face scrunched beautifully as she brought herself to the brink of passion. He wanted to touch her, to taste her, to make her scream his name instead of whisper it. He was floored that she wanted him in that way, though. Sure, he knew she cared about him. Or at least he had thought he knew until a couple months ago when everything changed literally overnight. In the last week he had watched the light start to return to her eyes, and her scent was almost completely back to normal. Her smile was still sad, but it was her real smile instead of that fake one that left him feeling more empty than her screeching “osuwari”.</p><p> </p><p>Now she was in a deep hot spring and touching herself while thinking of him. To say the least, he was FUCKING THRILLED! He had thought of her in a lot of ways, and this might be better than his best dreams. He wanted her. She wanted him. Maybe this could end up better than he ever dreamed. She brought herself to orgasm with a low, gentle moan, and the look on her face would fuel his fantasies for a while. She was stunning. Sure, he had seen things. Most of them were when others hadn't known he was there, but he had seen things. This was the most erotic sight he had ever witnessed, and to think it was his Kagome, was enough to make him growl. Apparently, it really was enough to make him growl.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes burst open and she searched for him. She had heard him let out a growl, and it was much closer than their campsite. Had he been watching her? She felt her cheeks heat up, both in embarrassment and in excitement. She knew she should be feeling embarrassed and angry that he had spied on her, but the idea that he had seen her touching herself and he let out that feral growl was enough to have her getting hot all over again. She reached out with her reiki until she felt his aura. There he was. Not quite right above her, but definitely in a spot where he could see everything. Damn.</p><p> </p><p>She looked at the spot as if she could see him clearly and reached down into the water to pinch her nipple, rolling it between her thumb and forefinger. She could’ve sworn she heard his growl rumble again. The idea that he was watching her made her grow brave and adventurous. Both of her hands went to her breasts, and she squeezed them lovingly. Teasing her nipples to get a reaction out of him. His growl was low, but she could still hear it. And the low bass just egged her on more. He couldn't be hers forever. But she had decided she was willing to take what he was willing to give her.</p><p> </p><p>And if he was willing to give her this, who was she to turn down one of her greatest fantasies? Her hands continued and so did his rumble. She finally flashed him a sweet smile, and dragged her right hand down further, releasing her breast and delving into her own hot core. As her fingers massaged her button, her head fell backwards to lay upon the stone behind her. She let out a ragged gasp of his name before she could even think to stop herself. As his name left her lips this time, she heard a whump of him landing on the ground nearby. She didn’t pick up her head, or stop her own teasing hands. She wanted him to see her. She wanted to feel desired and sexy.</p><p> </p><p>Her fingers left her little button and dipped inside herself and she let out another moan with syllables of his name. It was always his name after all. He was the only one she dreamed of touching her like this. As she finger fucked herself again, bringing herself another orgasm she opened her eyes and met his deep gold. She stared into those amber pools and moaned, groaned, and screamed her completion. When her senses returned to her she saw him standing there topless, removing his hakama, and fundoshi.</p><p> </p><p>“What an invitation, Kagome. You don't mind if I’m a little late to the party, do ya?”</p><p> </p><p>She smiled up at him and beckoned him into the spring with her.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re never late, you’re always right on time, Inuyasha. It’s not a party until you get here after all.”</p><p> </p><p>He stepped in and was at her side in an instant. His lips crashed against hers and all she could do was wrap her arms around him and hold on for the ride. He was glorious in every way she had dreamed about, and in several ways she had never thought about dreaming about. And for right now, in this moment, he was all hers.</p>
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